When people get married, they expect a happily ever after. They think that their marriage will always work and everything will go smoothly. But life is not a bed of roses. When two people start living with each other in the same space, it takes time for them to adjust to a new life, new routine and new people. Hence, problems and issues are bound to arise. It is important for a couple to work on those issues and find a way to deal with them together. If left unresolved, issues that seemed small may grow bigger with time. And then, people end up getting a divorce. This is why post marriage counselling is so important. It helps you solve all those issues that may be extremely harmful to your relationship in the future. It also helps you solve issues that are harming your relationship currently.
What is post marriage counselling?
Post marriage counselling is a form of psychotherapy. It is very useful in improving a couple’s relationship as it helps in solving certain issues between them. Post marriage counselling is provided by marriage therapists who help the couple take certain decisions pertaining to their marriage.
The Post Marriage Counselling Process
Post marriage counselling involves discussions with you and your spouse, sometimes together, sometimes individually. Like they say, it takes two to tango. So, it is always advisable that you and your spouse take part in post marriage therapy together. It is important that both you and your spouse understand this and are willing to work on your marriage together. You and your spouse need to be ready to learn new things about your relationship and yourselves. Both of you also need to be ready to learn new ways of communicating with each other.
The post marriage counsellor needs to know that both you and your spouse are willing to let go of the selfishness/ self-centeredness, accept responsibility and do what needs to be done for the marriage to work. And for marriage counselling to work, complete dedication is needed from the married couple.
The first and the most important step in marriage counselling is getting rid of the issues that are putting a huge strain on your relationship. These clearly-visible issues need to be resolved before moving on to the next phase of the process. The next phase of the marriage counselling process is figuring out the underlying causes of these marital problems and finding out ways to solve them.
During post marriage counselling, you get a safe space where you can share the issues faced by you. And you will not be judged for it by anyone. The counsellor will listen to your concerns, understand the issues at hand, and explore the marriage and the relationship in-depth. The marriage counsellor will also identify all the areas that need to be worked on, set goals that need to be achieved through the post marriage counselling sessions, and assess the requirement of individual as well as couples therapy sessions.
Benefits of Post Marriage Counselling
You may wonder whether post marriage counselling is really useful or not. Mentioned below are a few benefits of post marriage counselling that prove how useful it can be.
- Conflict resolution – Sometimes, when there’s a conflict or a fight, two people just can’t seem to be able to resolve the issue on their own. No matter how hard they try, reaching a solution may seem unachievable to them. In such a situation, post marriage counselling really helps.
- Improving communication – Even when a person talks and discusses the issues they’re facing with a spouse, it may not always be understood. Even when the spouse hears them talk, they might have a difficult time in processing and understanding the issues at hand. A couples therapist simply helps them in understanding what the other one is saying. In other words, counsellors help a couple in improving their communication with each other.
- Rectifying mismatched expectations – When two people get married, they have certain expectations from each other. These expectations may include affection, intimacy, respect and understanding. The expectations may differ from one person to another. When some or many of the expectations are not met, conflict arises. Post marriage counsellors help couples in rectifying any mismatched expectations that they might have.
- Exploring the root causes – Fights and other issues in a relationship usually arise when there are certain primary underlying issues being faced by individuals. A counsellor helps two people in a marriage in identifying those issues and solve them at the root level.
- Understanding the marital bond – Some couples find it hard to understand the relationship shared by them with their spouse. They are not sure about what they or their spouse might be able to do to make their relationship better. A therapist helps them in understanding their relationship and each other better. This is a huge factor when it comes to understanding and improving the marital bond.
- Correcting power imbalances – Relationship dynamics can be complicated. The way a person interacts with their spouse and behaves in a relationship can create a power imbalance. When it gets to a tipping point, the relationship can be in danger. Post marriage therapy is very useful in correcting these power imbalances and bringing harmony to the relationship.
Reasons for Getting Post Marriage Counselling
If you’re not sure whether you need post marriage couples therapy or not, go through the following points. Doing this would help you decide if getting therapy is right for you or not. These are the reasons that a couple usually go to therapy for post marriage.
- When communication stops – Communication is the key. It helps two people in running a relationship smoothly. When communication between two people stops, other problems will keep arising.
- Negative communication – When two partners in a marriage are talking but what they are saying is always negative. Even when they try to speak positively, the outcome always turns out to be different from what they expected.
- Withholding affection in order to punish a spouse – When a spouse stops showing affection to his/her partner as a form of punishment, then there’s a lack of balance in the relationship. Not letting a spouse be affectionate towards them also creates a disbalance in the relationship.
- Being scared to talk – When a spouse is scared of talking to the partner about certain issues and is not sure how to talk to them about it, it is a big tell-tale sign that the relationship needs help. These issues might be anything from monetary troubles and intimacy issues to annoying little habits and hurtful behaviour patterns.
- Keeping secrets – You don’t really need to tell your spouse every little thing you did all day. But if you’re deliberately keeping secrets from him/her, then your relationship needs to be evaluated.
- When you can’t count on your spouse – A spouse is supposed to be your partner. A person that you can count on. If you feel like you and your spouse are more like adversaries, then talking to a marriage therapist is something that you must consider.
- Financial woes – Finances are something that a couple needs to have control of together, as a team. One should not have complete control over the finances when two people are involved. Also, if a spouse is hiding how much money they actually spend or have money saved somewhere without the knowledge of their partner, it could be a sign of other troubles as well.
- Affairs – When a spouse is having an extra-marital affair or you’re about to have one, then post marriage counselling plays a vital role in saving the relationship.
- Separate lives – Some married couples get so wrapped-up in their own individual lives that they forget to share their life with their own spouse. Lives are hectic. People may not get that much time to spend with their spouse. However, some married couples end up living completely different lives. This results in a lack of intimacy and communication. This should not happen.
- Sexual incompatibility – For a marriage to work smoothly, it is important for two people to be compatible in every way. After marriage, if a couple is not compatible sexually, then their relationship needs to be assessed.
Though these are the primary reasons why couples may seek post marriage counselling, these are not the only reasons. If you feel like your relationship with your spouse lacks something, then it is best to take the help of a therapist.
Factors that Determine if Post Marriage Counselling Would Work or Not
Each couple is different. So are the dynamics of the relationship they share with each other. So, each couple responds to therapy differently. However, there are certain factors that can indicate how successful post marriage counselling can be for a couple. These factors have been stated below –
- Can two people in a marriage be flexible when they’re facing a challenge?
- Are both the partners trying to be understanding? Would they exercise empathy, put themselves in their spouse’s shoes to understand and feel how the other person is feeling?
- Would the couple agree to learn new things about their relationship?
- Would they use the new ways of communicating that they learn with the help of a psychotherapist?
- Could each of the people in a marriage let go of their ego? Could they accept responsibility for the parts of the marriage where they might have fallen short?
- Would the couple be able to stop blaming each other for the things that are not going great in their marriage?
- If a person in a marriage is suffering from other mental health issues, is that person willing to work through those issues?
- How committed are both the partners towards solving the issues in their marriage?
- Would they keep their word and always be truthful towards each other?
Post Marriage Counselling at Beyond Therapy
If you’ve been searching for therapists for post marriage counselling, then you’re at the right place. The post marriage counsellors at Beyond Therapy are available for you round the clock. We understand that some people find it hard to talk about their issues face-to-face. And so, our post marriage counselling experts conduct online counselling sessions (through chat), email and phone. You can talk to them from anywhere in the world. You do not have to worry about language barriers. We’ll find you post marriage counsellors who provide counselling in the language you’re comfortable with- Hindi, English, Marathi, Bengali, Gujarati, Punjabi, Telugu, Tamil, Urdu, Odia, Kannada or Malayalam. In other words, we will help you find the best post marriage counselling in India.
Is post marriage counselling worth it?
The couples who want to save their marriage and work on making their marriage successful would find post marriage counselling to be worthwhile. Post marriage counseling helps in figuring out and solving a wide variety of issues that might exist in a marriage.
How many couples stay together after post marriage counselling?
Usually, post marriage counselling has a success rate of 70- 80%. Which means that about 70-80% of couples who go for post marriage counselling end up resolving their marital issues and staying together. However, studies have shown that about 38% of couples get divorced within four years of completing therapy.
Do post marriage counselors recommend divorce?
Though each case is different from the other, post marriage counselors usually do not recommend divorce. They simply provide a safe space for the couple to talk about their issues including personal matters that are usually difficult to discuss.
Will post marriage counselling save my marriage?
Surveys have shown that post marriage counselling or couples therapy played a vital role in saving countless marriages. Even when they were almost separated and about to get a divorce, post marriage counselling helped. But, working on a relationship is not easy and needs complete dedication from both the people in the marriage.